"Men are afraid that women will laugh at them. Women are afraid that men will kill them."
-Margaret Atwood
The last time I was called a 'fucking bitch' was about 3 months ago. I was in Fernandina Beach, Florida. I had pulled my camper van into a crowded U-haul to get a propane fill-up. The propane technician directed me to the lane in front of the propane tanks where he would meet me. Shortly after I parked in the lane to which I was directed, a truck entered the parking lot and turned into the lane in front of me. He started beeping his horn because I was blocking where he wanted to go. I ignored him, as I got out of my vehicle to meet the propane technician, thinking surely that once he saw the situation he would move on. He did not. He continued to slam his horn and wave his arms out of his car window, even as it was obvious that I and the propane tech were in the process of filling my tank. After a noisy 10 minutes, he eventually backed up and moved to another lane but not before raising his arm, giving me the finger, and shouting 'fucking bitch' at me.
Another time I was called a 'fucking bitch' was in the pediatric ICU. I had admitted a 15 month old female child with a severe, life-threatening scalding dip injury. A dip injury is when a baby is lowered butt first into scalding water. Unfortunately, I've seen more of these cases than any human should have to experience. In this particular case, the injury had happened more than a week before the mother (a non-English speaking, undocumented hispanic woman) finally brought the child into the emergency room. The burn wound was already infected and the toddler was sliding into septic shock. This poor, suffering child required emergency stabilization and intensive life support. I was not sure she would even survive the first 24 hours. She did - but it was touch and go for many days. About 2 weeks after her admission, her father showed up for the first time. He was an angry, loud American man. He walked up to the front desk, demanded to see his baby, went into the room, shoved the mother against the wall, and started screaming obscenities at her. I ran into the room and told him that if he didn't stop making a scene, I would have him escorted from the building. He aggressively approached me and asked to see the 'doctor in charge'. I explained to him that I was his daughter's physician AND the director of the ICU. I was in charge and he could speak to me. He looked at me derisively and asked 'what the hell was going on?' I told him his daughter would survive her injuries but she would be in the hospital for a long time. I also told him that when the child was admitted we had questioned the mother through a translator about the injury. She told us that the baby's father (and I pointed to him) had gotten mad because the toddler had 'messed her pants' and so he 'punished' the baby by cleaning her up in a bucket of hot water. I told him that I had reported this barbaric act of cruelty to the police. The father started shouting about the stupid spic mother not knowing how to take care of a child and then raised his fist to my face and called me a 'fucking bitch' before explosively leaving the ICU. I never saw him again. ICE deported the mother. The child went into a foster care home when she was discharged from the hospital.
Every woman I know has been called a 'fucking bitch' at least once in her life, sometimes many times. It may be a stranger, a boyfriend, a husband. It's always said in anger and it's usually when a woman is acting in a way that a man doesn't like. It's about control and domination and entitlement directed at women who are not being submissive.
When a man shoots a woman in the face three times and then says 'fucking bitch' - he is not acting in self-defense. He is not acting in fear of his life. He is acting in anger. And his anger is because a woman is defying him. Why do I think that? Because the first words the ICE agent uttered after his violent act was an obscenity based on her gender.
Why in God's name would the system think the video they put forth was the one that rationalized the violence? It is not clear, even in that video, that the ICE agent was hit by the car. But what is VERY CLEAR and is actually the message they want to send - a WOMAN is betraying the system of power, she is not being subservient or obedient. She is even smiling while she is actively resisting -she is a fucking bitch. And every man who wants to uphold the systems of hierarchy and domination understands and sympathizes with the clear message that this woman deserved to be punished - that the act of violence was justified.
The name-calling (domestic terrorist), the anger, the vitriol, blaming the woman for the violent behavior (a tragedy of her own making) - all of this is summed up in that slur - fucking bitch.
This administration focuses on spectacle and cruelty - much like the public displays of the Roman Colosseum. Trump often refers to himself in the 3rd person as tho he's standing back and admiring the character in the narrative he's created for public consumption. And who can forget Kristi Noem cosplaying in front of humans in cages?
And this is the way systemic brutality, lawlessness, and disregard for human life always expand. It brings to mind the words of Pastor Martin Niemöller, First They Came.
First they came for the Communists
And I did not speak out
Because I was not a Communist
Then they came for the Socialists
And I did not speak out
Because I was not a Socialist
Then they came for the trade unionists
And I did not speak out
Because I was not a trade unionist
Then they came for the Jews
And I did not speak out
Because I was not a Jew
Then they came for me
And there was no one left
To speak out for me
This administration is targeting minorities they perceive to be powerless and they are doing it for the same reasons Rome created the Colosseum - for imperial propaganda, social control, and entertainment. And women are on their list.
I'm not mad at you.
Bam! Bam! Bam!
Fucking bitch.
For myself, I think I'm ready to wholeheartedly embrace my bitchiness.
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